Things that make you go "hmmmm..."
My natural reaction when a loved one is in need, is to help...to be there...in any way I can...& though I know that it's not intentional, when my help is turned down, I some how feel...irritated? No, no...that's not the right word...perturbed? Hmmmm...nope...(sorry...it is technically still early, but it's been a long day & the caffeine has run out)...Anyhow...I don't feel good...let's just put it that way...
I realize that when someone is in need, they usually aren't thinking straight...or they just have their own method of trying to figure it out...which is fine...everyone is different...but I'm nosey...freely admit that...& can't stand it, especially when I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is...most especially when I feel like I SHOULD know what it is.
I'm also the kind of person that can't stand it when someone tells me "I need to tell you something, but I have to tell you later." I HATE THAT...& I don't use the word "hate" very freely, but that is one of my pet peeves. I'd rather just not know that you need to tell me something until you are ready or able to say it.
So yes, here I sit...second post in a day...& while this is a new blog...I've had others & posting 2 in a day is pretty rare...
Getting back on subject...here I sit...trying to figure out what it is that my friend is dealing with...is it family? Possibly...Is it work? Possibly...But with what I know about this person, those two categories can be vastly narrowed down...as there are so many possibilities under each. So my mind races...
I will also share with you that I'm also the type of person who, when faced with an unknown, I tend to fill in the blanks...& I usually end up filling the blanks with the worst case scenario, making myself even more worried about what could be happening, versus what actually IS happening. I'm also usually wrong a lot about things like that...I think it's my "expect the worst, hope for the best" outlook. Which...hmmmm...in these sort of situations, I most definitely would rather be wrong than right.
Back to my friend...I know that if I had gone to another friend seeking advice, the response would be "give them time." I know this, as I would give this advice to someone coming to me with this situation. Yet somehow, I can't seem to practice what I preach. I want to know NOW. I want to help NOW.
Another thing about me...my logic & my emotions are always conflicting with each other. Like in this instance, I logically understand that this person is going through something rough, something that has recently happened, & they still need time to sort things out. However, my emotions are going haywire...I feel...neglected...& hurt...& yes, perhaps irritated, that my offering of help was turned down.
At this point, there isn't much I can do...except to vent...which I do...A LOT...it doesn't matter if I'm venting to the person that I'm having the problem with, to someone else, or even sitting here typing it for the entire internet-based world to read...venting is venting...& although, I'd feel a lot better if I knew what was going on with my friend, typing this out does help in some way.
So to my friend...who will probably never read this...I am here for you...no matter how frustrated I may be at this point, the bottom line is that I am here to help you in any way that I can...& I know you know this...& you know who you are.
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