...mostly Nellie...

People have this misconception...when I tell them about him...I guess the picture I paint is that he's too good to be true...& yeah, in most ways he is...but he does have his faults...

Most of his faults don't bother me at all...but the ones that do...DAMN! They drive me up the wall...as in I want to pull out my hair...scream at the top of lungs...insane...crazy...

Even though there are times when I feel like I may very well put him out of my misery...even though there are times when I wonder if it's all worth it...I do know that those are just moments where I can claim temporary insanity...because I know he's worth it...I know that our relationship is worth it...I know that the promise of our future is worth it...even through the darkness, I eventually start to see the light.

During these moments of temporary insanity, I do often wonder what my life would be like without him...hah! Two words: NO WAY! He's an integral part of my life...not because he's like a fixture...but because he's my rock...I know I can count on him for so many things...I know that even on my worst day, he can make me laugh, or he can comfort me...& believe me, that's no easy task...

He's such a part of my life that, when he lost his phone...I made him go & get another one ASAP. I need to be able to get in touch with him...even if it's just to say "I love you." Living without him in my life is like trying to live without my right arm...possible to adapt, but wouldn't even want to have to try...

Anyway, it just has me thinking of all of my friends & their significant others...or previous ones...& they will all remain nameless...but I see some of them & you just know that they are right for each other...& some...well...not so right...

It even applies to platonic relationships...some of my friends have toxic friends...& it's not because I don't get along with them...hell, I never met most of them...but because I see how they affect my friends...& it's not in good ways...

What I've learned in life is that...be with the people that bring out the best in you, not the worst...be with the people that want you, not need you...be with the people who make you laugh, not cry...be with the people who add to your life, not take away from it...we all have our faults & imperfections, & to balance that out, we should be with those who are weak where we are strong & vice versa...life, laugh, love...& most of all...fuck the drama...it ain't worth it...

So, for those of you that really know me, you know I'm random...with random thoughts, ideas, & realizations...

My latest random realization...I realize what makes Jae & I work...

Is it possible to be so different, yet so alike? Yes it is...

We are alike in most of our strengths & none of our weaknesses...we're both intelligent, compassionate, mature, & humorous...there's more but I could be here all night...

Where we differ...this is where our true strength lies...for whatever my weaknesses are, he is strong...for whatever his weaknesses are, I am strong...where I am impatient, he has un-ending patience...where he is stubborn, I am willing to bend...where I get stressed out & emotional, he is the voice of reason...where he shuts out the world, I am there to knock down the wall...

For those of you who know me...this doesn't sound like...well...me...but I've been on the path of knowledge lately...I'm not sure how to describe it, but my marriage seemed to put blinders on me...I didn't see anything else except what was going on at home...but now...I'm on sensory overload...I'm learning & re-discovering...

The one thing I have learned is that it is so completely...wonderful...to be with someone that makes me feel like this...instead of letting me keep my blinders on, he's showing me the world...I can honestly say, with the exception of my children, no one has ever made me feel like this...

So this is where I'll end my little nugget of knowledge...there is a difference between "I love you because I don't want to be alone" & "I love you & I don't want to live without you."