Love...& all the other crap that comes with it...
(This was originally posted on my other blog on 5.21.09)I've been through a lot in my nearly 3 decades of being on this earth...not as much as some, but certainly more than most...
I got involved with someone at a fairly young age...eventually married him...thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him...boy...was I WRONG! He turned into someone I didn't even know or recognize...I tried dealing with it...for 2 years...friends kept telling me to GET OUT, but I was stubborn & I thought I could save him...what I learned down the road was - you can only help those who help themselves. Giving up doesn't mean that I was weak...it just meant that I was smart enough & strong enough to let go. Believe me, I was one of those naive ones that thought marriage was forever...so the decision to give up wasn't an easy one.
Then my life turned into something you think only happens in movies & books.
Then my life turned into something you think only happens in movies & books.
[Enter] man of my dreams.
Physically, he met & exceeded all of my criteria. Tall, dark, handsome...wait...I'm not done yet...broad shoulders, beautiful smile with straight, white teeth...gorgeous eyes framed with long, thick eyelashes...& this is just a bonus for me, but I love men with tattoos...so just take a wild guess if he has them?...why of course he does...
Mentally & emotionally (I believe these are intertwined), & again...he met exceeded all of my criteria. I don't even know where to START on this list...from the very beginning, he was so easy to talk to...we could talk about anything & everything, from the average day-to-day stuff, to the inane, to the complex. This blew my mind, as mental stimulation through conversation is important to me, so to have this GORGEOUS man hold his own in a conversation with me was...indescribable. Not only that, but we also have the same sick, twisted sense of humor. That was also a major plus.
Mentally & emotionally (I believe these are intertwined), & again...he met exceeded all of my criteria. I don't even know where to START on this list...from the very beginning, he was so easy to talk to...we could talk about anything & everything, from the average day-to-day stuff, to the inane, to the complex. This blew my mind, as mental stimulation through conversation is important to me, so to have this GORGEOUS man hold his own in a conversation with me was...indescribable. Not only that, but we also have the same sick, twisted sense of humor. That was also a major plus.
Continuing on with this list of mental & emotional criteria...he's a father & he LOVES it - LOVES his children (I haven't met too many men where their children were their #1 priority)...he's mature - he does what needs to get done, even if he doesn't feel like doing it! (that's part of being an adult, but most are lacking)...he's loving...& attentive...& sweet...& romantic...& intelligent...& quick witted...& open...& honest...& secure with himself...& stable...I could go on & on...
BONUSES: He works with troubled adolescents...he's a hard worker...he's a great cook...he's good with his hands...I'm sure there's more, but at this moment, I have too many thoughts racing around in my brain to nail them down...but I will definitely update this when they do come to mind.
We text or talk every day, in between work & kids...we see each other when we can...we always have great conversations, we always enjoy the time we spend together...it always leaves us wanting more...which is good...better to be wanting more than having enough...
When we do get to spend time together...he's affectionate - even in public, but not overly so...he gives me massages (I don't even have to ask!)...he just simply amazes me with the love & tenderness that he shows me...Too good to be true, right?
So now that I've built you up to this point...here's the kicker...he has a PSYCHO ex-wife...& I don't mean your everyday, run-of-the-mill psycho...I am talking CERTIFIABLE...she threatens to kill him, she's been physically violent with him...PSYCHO...
Because of her psychoticness (yes, I have a tendency to make up my own words)...we've had to keep our relationship on the down low...practically sneaking around like two high school teenagers...because she is still in love with him...I don't blame her...I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with him? HOWEVER, there is this thing called maturity...obviously, she's lacking. I get that she's hurt, I get that...but...ladies & gentlemen...SHE is the one who filed for divorce. Did she use it as a scare tactic? Possibly...but if so, she didn't need to file them, she could have ripped them up & thrown them away...which she did not.
Why does he deal with her bi-polar episodes? Because of the kids. End of story.
Up until yesterday, I've been dealing with it...I've been patient...& for those of you who know me, you KNOW that patience is a virtue that I DON'T have! But because I am in love with this man, who by the way, I have told that he is my life's lesson in patience...anyhow, because I am in love with him, I chose to attempt patience, which I believe I have been fairly successful at...I chose to attempt to deal with the situation, which, again, I believe I've been very understanding.
So what happened yesterday? I made a decision yesterday...a HARD decision...to reduce our relationship to just talking & texting...which, technically, I haven't reduced it to...this is how it's been for sometime, because of her...she's forever coming up with excuses as to why he needs to watch the kids because she has stuff to do, which is fine...his kids come before me...as my kids come before him...but since we have to keep our relationship on the DL, I don't come around when the kids are around. Hence why we haven't seen each other too often lately...the hard part comes into play because we are so good together - we always enjoy each other's company, whether its laughing & joking or serious conversations...
I have expressed my feelings to him & he feels so badly about it...& he understands...he doesn't like it...but he understands...he's expressed that he IS going to be with me...he LOVES me...he WANTS me...& I believe him. I also believe that he needs some time to handle his business with her...& basically put her in check. He gets that...& he's going to deal with it...& hopefully, sooner rather than later, this will be an episode of the past.
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